Sports

	If You Attend This Meeting, You Can Shake Hands with an Intrepid Warrior By Ari L. Noonan @ 3:00 AM August 24, 2007 Found in: Sports Came this morning at the top of my email file a note from the most perspicacious woman I know, Amanda Copeland. A strongly articulate lady, she is strident and uncommonly courageous. This blend of qualities may be desirable in an athlete or an actor. But for a petitioning mom who needs a favor from powerful people, pliability, even daintiness, is much preferred over iron-core stridency and unbreakable bravery. read
	Where Is the Outrage Over Elvira’s Manipulation of You? By Ari L. Noonan @ 3:00 AM August 22, 2007 Found in: Sports When the lights were still working in my house in the pre-dawn hours this morning, Day 4 of the overseas trip by the mistress of the grounds, I was lying awake, 3 hours before arising, thinking not of my wife but of the hottest name in America, Elvira Arellano. Later this morning, I am interviewing Father Kevin Nolan at St. Augustine Church on a separate, even more delicate, subject. read
	One Day Down, 13 to Go, But Will the Plants Survive? By Ari L. Noonan @ 3:00 AM August 20, 2007 Found in: Sports Remember the hackneyed prison films from your childhood? The black-and-white scenes where jailbirds tracked their remaining time by scratching vertical lines on the north wall with a crudely carved pencil? Just the Beginning If the lead is sharp enough, mark down one puny line for me. Thirteen fairly dreaded days to go with my wife out of town and her many plants at the mercy of my not so deft touch. read
	A Male Feminist Arises, Quivers, Fires and Says, ‘What a Good Boy Am I’ By Ari L. Noonan @ 3:00 AM August 13, 2007 Found in: Sports Losing the battle for common sense to himself one more time, the editor of The Jewish Journal struck a stunning blow for the further feminization of America over the weekend. Seeking to cure his drool by spitting into the eye of his religion, The Fellow, as we shall call him, suggested in his current essay that unmarried Jewish girls, nearing the end of their child-bearing years, should marry any Gentile they can land in order to fulfill their desire to become pregnant. (We choose not to name him so as not to embarrass his family.) Given that The Fellow has made a living in recent times by knocking his own religion in the only Jewish newspaper in Los Angeles, perhaps we should not be surprised. Just disgusted. read
	Guess Who Is Back in Town? The Entitlement Gang Rides Again By Ari L. Noonan @ 3:00 AM August 10, 2007 Found in: Sports An incident at the monthly meeting of the Democratic Club the other night nudged my memory back to childhood. When I was a Boy Scout a few years ago, our little troop met every other Monday night in the basement of my school. Both of my scoutmasters were blue-collar workers and busy family men. No Nudge Needed Neither had the time nor the inclination to make a courtesy call to Noonan Central. Since I was committed to Scouting, no one needed to remind my parents to remind me that the regularly scheduled meeting for next Monday would be held as planned, as it had been continuously since the 1940s. Regardless of the weather and my homework load, I never missed a Boy Scout meeting. read
	Faux Activists Capitalize on Silbiger’s Sweetness to Make Him Look Bad By Ari L. Noonan @ 3:00 AM August 08, 2007 Found in: Sports In the world of the chronically suspicious City Councilman Gary Silbiger, this is the way he believes life should work: Every Monday afternoon at the stroke of 2, City Manager Jerry Fulwood should abruptly end the meeting he is conducting, draw the blinds in his office, dash home to bake a piping-hot cherry pie and simultaneously dial a brand-name limo service. Breathing hard by then, Mr. Fulwood should dispatch said limo and a crisply warmed slice of said pie to the home of every Culver City resident who tiresomely gripes that he, important he, was not privately notified of the City Council’s special agenda for that evening. Darn it, the complainer continues, City Hall knows he is acutely interested. If City Hall expects him to be a participating citizen, it has a responsibility to keep him closely informed. read
	An Unhappy Anniversary Reminder for Vera Sr. By Ari L. Noonan @ 3:00 AM August 06, 2007 Found in: Sports About 7 this morning, I could not get my 92-year-old father off the telephone. Any telephone system in America that has a Noonan for a client is assured of a profit as long as that Noonan is breathing. My father and my stepmother are on vacation for 11 days out in the countryside. Pop was raving the food — so much, so free and so often. This time he also was excited about describing the playful deer he was studying from his very comfortable vantage point on a long, rectangular porch at the bucolic retirement home operated by my oldest sister. read
	Burke Says She Lived Here at Least When She Was Running By Ari L. Noonan @ 3:00 AM August 03, 2007 Found in: Sports Poking along in the third lane of the 405 North yesterday afternoon, my hair suddenly whooshed to the left. The elderly driver of a silver Maserati convertible, moving jerkily, sliced in front of me, then quickly veered two lanes to the right, imperiling a dozen more cars. Immediately, I suspected the culprit, whose license plate started "5SNX," was the much besieged County Supervisor Yvonne Brathwaite Burke. We know how fast she loves to escape every afternoon from the peasants doomed to residing fulltime in her 2nd District while she returns to her classy digs in Mandeville Canyon. A week ago this morning, the aging Ms. Burke was exposed on Page 1 of the Los Angeles Times as a suspected lawbreaker and an alleged fibber regarding her main residence. The Times' thorough report indicated that the slippery Ms. Burke does not live in the 2nd District any more than Barack Obama. State law says she must. A close reading of her printed statements shows that Ms. Burke does not seem to even claim to live inside the district. read
	Burke in Trouble? No Problem. The Earl of Hutchinson to the Rescue on His Racist Steed By Ari L. Noonan @ 3:00 AM August 01, 2007 Found in: Sports As a suddenly radioactive politician feverishly groping for a safe place to land, County Supervisor Yvonne Brathwaite Burke could not have found a chummier patch of green, green grass than the shining baseball field at West Los Angeles College. Wasn't She a Vision? On Monday morning, barely three days after the Los Angeles Times nailed Ms. Burke for seemingly fibbing to its reporters about where she truly lives and sleeps, there was the retiring Sup, resplendent as the ball of fire in the sky. read
	The Night the City Council Folded up to Appease the Crowd By Ari L. Noonan @ 3:00 AM July 26, 2007 Found in: Sports Quite a few years ago, at the time my first son was born, I was the night sports editor of a downtown newspaper. We had a mid-week ritual no one else needed to know about. To avoid jamming the typesetters with copy late in the evening, at deadline, I would telephone the Olympic Auditorium in the afternoon. Hours before the evening’s wrestling matches were to begin, I would jot down the results and write a short story for the next day’s edition. read

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