Yes, Opposites Attract. They Cause Friction as Well as Sizzle.By Nicholas Pollak @ 2:00 PM April 23, 2012
Nicholas D. Pollak
A gentleman recently asked if I would help his wife, an introvert who never has felt she was good enough. He wanted her to have more self-confidence and self-esteem.
On the negative side, he is an extrovert, loud, gregarious, upbeat. He wants his wife to be the same. They only had been married two years, together for four. He hoped when they married she would be less of a wallflower. She is not. He cannot accept her this way.
When she came to see me, on her own, I asked her why she was here. She said her husband was a dominant force in her life. She wanted him to understand she was comfortable the way she was. She likes being quiet. At parties, she prefers the sidelines, watching what is going on, having one-on-one conversations. She dresses conservatively, fashionably in easy-to-maintain clothing, applying a small amount of carefully applied makeup and subtle jewelry. She was clearly protective of her body.
In the United States, it appears everyone wants to be outgoing and friendly. Quiet persons begin to feel they are in the minority. Something must be wrong with them. Their self-esteem suffers.
Here again was a situation of opposites attracted. Exact opposite behaviors not only attract but cause many relationship breakups.
People generally fall into two categories, Physical and Emotional. Every person, without exception, has a percentage of both. Generally, one is greater, the so-called Dominant Personality.
A Physical is friendly, loves being the focus of attention, dresses fashionably and in revealing clothing, lots of makeup and jewelry. They tend to be where there are groups of people, involved with activities that attract groups. At work, people love them. Often they are supervisors. Their priorities are family as No. 1, team-oriented sports activity as is No. 2 and work is third.
They experience with their bodies. They feel with their bodies. They only feel loved when intimately involved. The sex act gives them the feeling of being loved. Denied physical attention, they become angry, resentful, hurt and pushy. Family-oriented, they are tremendous homemakers.
The Emotional is more conservative, logical, quieter. His No. 1 priority is work. No. 2 is an individual pastime, rock climbing, golf, racing cars or motorcycles, riding horses. They do not show affection through physical intimacy, tending instead to buy gift, the more expensive, the deeper their affection.
Ready, Set, Now!
Physicals are ready to have sex any time, often many times a day. An emotional also will enjoy that pace at first. After awhile, the person will cool down and only want it every three to four days. For the Physical, sex is a quick body release. For the Emotional, sex is a complete mental, physical release. The Emotional will not have sex unless he first is stimulated by a mental image. The Physical just needs a touch and is ready to go.
Perhaps you see yourself in these descriptions.
The husband of my new client called the day after her first session to find out how things had gone. I told him he needed to ask his wife. I was ethically bound to keep confidential what had transpired.
I did, however, tell him the difference between the Physical and Emotional. He understood the differences did not make either person good, bad, right or wrong. Their behaviors were a product of how they were raised, especially the fatherly influence upon each.
I explained how opposites are attracted and why he should be wary of pitfalls couples face what originally appealed becomes divisive. He saw that once his wife accepted that she was a quieter person than others, her self-confidence improved dramatically and quickly.
With her newfound understandings, her grasp of English improved, as did her ability to talk with others, her diet and general health. Her job became more fun. She was able to talk more with her customers and her work colleagues.