Alexa, Please Read (and Enjoy) My Essay

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Siri has competition in my house.  Alexa is the new star. For $40, Amazon delivered the wonderful Echo Dot, which now sits next to my computer. Me: Alexa, tell me a joke.  (As you can see, I love this feature. Here are two jokes I just heard: Alexa: I took the shell off my racing snail to make him faster. … Read More

You Should Read This Sitting Down

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Twenty years ago I purchased a porta-potty from Sears. A month ago I asked Siri to add a reminder that I need to practice the portable toilet.  Today I learned to use it. Having a portable toilet at my disposal (pardon the pun) is second on my earthquake preparedness list, just below gallons of water. I was curious about how … Read More

A Role Where Lying (Down) Is Required

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Our star essayist is holding an invisible Do Not Disturb sign

Haven’t you dreamed of lying on a hammock with your shoes off, and a drink nearby? Well, my hammock dream has come true. The Sunnydaze hammock from Amazon ($110) set up so easily I couldn’t believe it. No tools necessary, it said. Right. The hammock frame snapped together in 5 minutes. Time to hang the hammock on the frame: 1 … Read More

Here Is How You Hold Everything Together

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I discovered Sugru last week while surfing Amazon. I have been blown away while playing with it since it arrived in the mail. Sugru is the best thing since duct tape and super glue. Sugru solves problems that tapes and glues cannot solve. Sugru looks and feels like a combination of clay and Play-Doh. It will fix most anything.  Sugru … Read More

A Man Flush with Frustration

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This time the plunger did not free up the toilet.  In fact, both toilets and the shower were backing up last Sunday.  What to do? I heard the jingle in my head: Mike Diamond — The smell-good plumber – only $99 to clear your drain. The smell-good plumber arrived.  He said there was no way he could work on my … Read More

Cheers! Yes, There Are Some Glitches

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It has been one month since my A1c blood test showed a slightly higher than normal score. The score indicated I needed to cut down on sugar, and carbs – which turn into sugar — in my diet. I look forward to each meal more than I did in the past when I was eating more sugary foods. I enjoy … Read More

He Thought It Was in the Bag(gie)

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Just got up from a nap and reached for my iPhone 6. I knew I placed it on the nightstand next to me. Where was it? Duh. I just remembered.  It fell into the pool this morning and broke. When I went outside for my regular morning swim, my iPhone, placed in a Ziploc bag, went with me. I placed … Read More

Don’t Let This Notion Bug You

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Robert Ebsen
Robert Ebsen

I never thought I would enjoy the sound of the ZAP as much as I do. I’m seeing another side of myself that I haven’t seen before. After all, I am the guy who picks up crickets off the floor and deposits them outside. But when 10 or 12 flies zoom through my house, I want them dead. My new … Read More

Not a Strawman but a Straw, Man

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A glass of water usually elicited a cough, and that cough brought on another.  It has been that way for the last 30 years. But that’s over — thanks to a penny device, a soda straw. I don’t know why I waited until last night to Google: “I cough when I drink water, but not when I drink juice.” The … Read More

Learning a New Way to Cook

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I suppose one perk that comes with a low carb diet is the ability to eat more meat.   I have largely eschewed red meat, primarily because of its cholesterol content. Now, though, I read that red meats, in moderation, are acceptable for a low carb diet.   Tonight my wife brought home two pounds of ground beef. Ordinarily, I … Read More