When Trump Blows His Nose the Right Way

Ari L. NoonanBreaking NewsLeave a Comment

Besides falling in love with someone who does not love you, here is another of life’s stickiest moments:

When a public figure you detest miraculously does the right thing, and you are obligated to comment.

All of America’s leftist newspapers found themselves in that diaper-filled crisis last week when President Trump bravely spoke out in support of the immensely courageous anti-government protestors in Iran.

All journalists at leftist newspapers will attest that Mr. Trump blows his nose the wrong way.

How to handle this embarrassment without conceding ground to the worst president in this history of this planet, Venus, Saturn and Calabasas?

USA Today’s response was to slither beneath a shaggy old chair and hoarsely whisper.

  • Mention the president’s name only one time in the entire editorial. After all, he usually fails.
  • Before sort of commending him, accent his shortcomings. Note that “he has seemed uninterested in human rights violations in Turkey, Egypt, the Philippines and elsewhere.”
  • When forced to concede a compliment, go lightly. It must not be confused with congratulations. Drive fast while mumbling he “has fund the proper voice for civil liberties in Iran.”
  • Driving even faster, murmur almost inaudibly that (the gutless) President Obama “was mostly silent during the ‘Green Movement’ unrest of 2009.”

The pain should gradually subside – we hope.

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