At UCLA, Crime Ain’t What It Used to Be

Ari L. NoonanBreaking NewsLeave a Comment

Ball brothers, Lonzo, LiAngelo and LaMelo, with their parents

The three UCLA shoplifters, who play basketball when not playing outlaws, should be suspended until their 40th birthdays.

Their comical “indefinite” suspension, as meted out by the wannabee grownups of the UCLA administration, will fall closer to 40 minutes.

The young men’s compelled apologies — after shoplifting in China, of all places — are as heartfelt and honest as CNN.

Sadly meaningful, however, is the stupid reaction of shoplifter LiAngelo Ball’s ignorant father, LaVar, who said:

This is not a big deal.”

Raised with such a value by a crazed, publicity-chasing dad who plays his kids as if they were piano keys, no wonder LiAngelo turned to crime.

Cases of college athletes stepping into the gutter are as common as washing dirty hands.

Penalties are as serious as a Clinton denial.

With rare exceptions, they are treated as if they were once-a-generation idols, fully absolved before they master spelling “d-o-g.”

If you combine the spines of Athletic Director Dan Guerrero and Coach Steve Alford, they would equal a noodle lying in water for a week.

The players knew that.

Who is worried?

Not them.

Remember when college athletes used to be suspended for missing curfew? Back in the 1850s.

At yesterday’s wet-noodle press conference, the bumbling Alford – who should be dropkicked back to Iowa – mumbled something about the players not being allowed to travel with the team or suit up for home games.

That declaration has the life expectancy of a dead horse.

Wow, Coach, learn me more.

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