I might have gotten the idea last week when I had stomach issues.  It could have been when I heard the rain pitter-patter on the patio.

No matter where the idea came from, it should solve the problem of sitting through two-hour-plus movies in the theatre.

At Ralphs yesterday, I decided to buy a pack of men’s Depends.

Of course, this morning, I had to test out the “staying power.” Or should I say the “holding power” of a pair of those neat inventions.

Wearing the Depends just below where they are supposed to fit, I slowly poured first one, then another cup of water. After I pulled up my drawers, I was amazed. Not only did the Depends stay tightly on my body but it did not feel wet.

I can visualize a great Depends TV commercial.  There he is, sitting in the movie theatre watching the most exciting part of the movie.  Shifting back and forth, he badly needs to relieve himself.  A big smile appears on his face when he realizes he is wearing Depends.  In the next scene, he is completely relaxed – and dry, of course.

I am wondering, how I can remember to wear Depends the next time I go to the movies.

I want to remember to take along a pair of underwear to change into after the movie. Just in case.  I’ve got it.   I will write “It Depends” on the theatre tickets we purchased and put away in the drawer.  Drawers to drawers – Ha, ha.

That reminds me of a joke:

My 90-year-old grandfather complained the other day: “The worst part about getting old is diapers. I don’t mind wearing them. It’s the name I hate: Depends. If I must wear a diaper, I don’t want no ‘depends’ about it. I want ‘for certain!’”

We are on a roll:

Two old people flirt at a seniors’ singles bar. After a few drinks, the old man asks the woman, “If I took you out for a full night of wining, dining and dancing, what would you wear?”

The old woman replies shyly, “Depends….”

“Depends on what?” he asks.

“On my bottom – where else?”

My weekly BRIEFing is over.  Stay well. Stay happy. Stay dry.

Mr. Ebsen may be contacted at robertzebsen@gmail.com