Robin Abcarian’s life is jammed with ironies.
Hired by the Los Angeles Times at the height of International Mental Health Week, her birthday (in odd-numbered years) falls during National Lack of Awareness Week. How odd, she remarked with a slow, baffled expression.
As soon as she learned what left-wing meant, “I are one,” she said, attempting to sound politically astute, like one of the regular Times boys on the left.
After memorizing the route to her desk from the parking garage in less than a month, Robbie began drawing writing assignments.
Working her way up to Mockery Editor, Robbie clapped her hands, leaped from her desk to the ground and remarked starchily, “This is fun.”
For this morning’s edition, Robbie was instructed to apply a satirical sheen to the dumb flag stunt pulled last week by a tubful of bored U.C. Irvine students.
The authoring kids, Matty Guevarra and Khaalidah Sidney, not believed to be military veterans, at least on our side, reportedly are Irish immigrants masquerading as minorities.
Out of boredom, they wrote an attention-chasing resolution saying that the American flag should not be allowed in the lobby of the student Legislative Council because it “has been flown in instances of colonialism and imperialism.”
“All power to Allah,” one of the boys smilingly sighed at the end.
Our girl Robbie was dispatched to Irvine on a motorbike – helmet optional – to learn the truth: Who Was Irish? Who was Allah? What do the bad boys know about flag-waving?
(Remember it was Irvine that hired the whackadoodle left-wing professor Erwin Chemerinsky a few years ago to lead their nascent law school.)
Removing her own American flag pin from the lapel of her favorite rummage sale-spawned pink blouse and hiding it on the bottom of one of her tennis shoes, she buzzed onto campus, noiselessly humming “The Battle Hymn (or Her) of the Republic.”
Robbie’s editor smiled benignly when he was copyediting the middle of her story.
Wobbly after a hurricane of national backlash blew into the bewhiskered faces of administrators, UCI’s president vowed that more flag poles would start bobbing up on campus, with Stars and Stripes attached.
As the Mockery Editor of the Times and as a liberal sycophant, our girl Robbie fulfilled her assignment, making fun of the president’s vow and repeatedly plastering all political foes of the looney left for being “too darned patriotic.”
Hoisting her sagging girdle in one raised hand, as a sign of being a free feminist, and a can of bug spray in the other, Robbie went on to dictate the rest of her essay.
Because liberals would rather mock than reason, she made fun of normal Americans who criticized the two Irvine Irish punks for being ashamed of our flag when they couldn’t exactly explain themselves.
The last half of Robbie’s essay was groaning with insulting references to normal people who stood up for displaying our flag.
Robbie was proud of her maelstrom of mockery that she had cooked up in defense of the looney left.
Dialing on her cell phone before departing the Orange County campus, our girl Robbie carried on excitedly. “Boss, don’t you think this story is worth a raise?” she pleaded. “Only if you agree to wear your helmet fulltime when sitting at your desk,” said the voice on the other end.
“Gotcha,” she said.