Too Many White Firemen

Ari L. NoonanEditor's Essays, OP-ED

Photo: City of Ferguson Fire Department

Clenched white fists dangling at their sides, scuffed Florsheims pointing in opposing directions, the nervous-sounding editorial board of the politically correct St. Louis Post-Dispatch came to a surprisingly sensible anti-liberal conclusion this morning:

“The skin color of a firefighter doesn’t matter the way it does for a police officer.”

This could get the boys tossed out of the Way Left Marching and Chowder Society, which holds that every business and agency should have a matching color set of employees, precisely reflecting the racial proportions of the community population.

Since today is Election Day in suburban whackadoodle Ferguson, the color    guard of the St. Louis County Police Dept.  lately has been making the rounds of police and fire agencies to determine how colorful these bastions of public safety really are.

Thankfully the cops are worried about having the politically correct number of whites and blacks.  The people ain’t.

At mid-afternoon, Ferguson’s elections boss was predicting that fewer than 10 percent of registered voters were turning out with three of the six City Council seats opening up.

Remember that Ferguson is where President Obama and the cartoonish U.S. Justice Dept. went berserk last summer, spreading racist lies, smearing the little community’s rep for years to come.

St. Louis cops fear if they don’t at least artificially, not to mention artistically, arrange the police/fire numbers by race, Czar Eric Holder, America’s best  known black Klansman, will roar back into St. Louis County and seize both departments.

Poring over surveys, the anguished Post-Dispatch found that there are hardly any black firefighters in the county.Consequently, no fire department comes close in racial balance to matching the community it serves.

What is a mother to do?

As every non-Hungarian American schoolboy knows, two-thirds of Ferguson is black, and three-quarters of them don’t give a darn whether their firefighters, Council members, cops or beauty parlor operators are black or white or re(a)d all over.

The newspaper reports that 7 percent of Ferguson firefighters are black, leaving the community with four unappealing options:

  • Fire 93 percent of firefighters so the whole darned department will be one shade of black.
  • Conscript one black man on every block in the town of 21,000 to become a firefighter by the weekend, whether or not he agrees.
  •  Make the Fire Dept.’s number unlisted.
  •  Forbid the two-thirds of black residents from calling the Fire Dept. unless they give a fake address.

We leave you with this drab pearl from the fretting Post-Dispatch:

“Fire chiefs say that there are not enough qualified black applicants and that blacks hired are hard to retain. They often are recruited by other departments that offer better pay and benefits in communities with fewer emergency calls.”

Let’s all become Republican plumbers.