Some who know Nicky Kristof are convinced that the Oregon native – who passionately hates the white shading of his skin – married a Chinese girl for a single reason.

So that disgustingly, he would not breed pure white children.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you a prime-time liberal, a liberal, okay, a liberal thinker.

For most of his 55 years, Mr. Kristof, New York Times essayist who lives on the quivering left of the left wing, has felt like a size 36 fella trying to close the clasp on size 30 trousers.

Aside from the fact the pants are vivid purple, to match his perplexed complexion, a fashion maven he ain’t.

Thank you again, God, for giving liberals to us. They encourage us normies to smile even when we would rather not.

Nicky, as girls used to say, is a stitch. He fancies himself as a straight-faced journalistic anthropologist.

Every night he raises up on his bendable tippy toes, to draw closer to the Almighty. He beseeches his maker:

“I could have been brown, black, yellow, shale-colored, red, bronze, green around the gills. But, oh, no. You know better.

“Why did you make me so darned vanilla?

“I hate being white. White men are bigots. I wish I could have been underprivileged. Passed over. Victimized. Now that is the life.”

Mr. Kristof really wrote the following last week in an essay headlined “Straight Talk for White Men”:

“The evidence is overwhelming that unconscious bias remains widespread in ways that systematically benefit both whites and men. So white men get a double dividend, a payoff from both racial and gender biases.”

Nicky, baby. Maybe you should not have given up drinking.