My objective: To learn exactly what menial jobs Albanians won’t do so that I can hone my skills preparatory to emigrating at an unspecified future date.
The payoff is that I won’t have to wait in terminally long lines at the Federal Building in Westwood to have my visa updated.
I shall just leave.
Thank my marching brothers and sisters for that handy, dandy little tip.
It Is Not Your Cause – It Is Ours
I admit it. The brilliant, if devious, organizers of immigration protest rallies the last few weeks have convinced me of the righteousness of their – nay, our – mission.
Quoth, not The Raven, but Ms. Sosa in yesterday morning’s edition of the Los Angeles Times: Illegal immigrants deserve to become legal residents of this country (that they are vandalizing) because they are undertaking jobs that Americans won’t do.
Now, dear reader, you can see the wellspring, the amazing inspiration for my quickie trip to Albania as an apprenticing illegal immigrant.
I arose one hour early this morning so I could spend an extra sixty minutes before my favorite full-length bedroom mirror. This is the corner where I puff, I huff, and I exercise my supreme self-righteousness every morning.
Practice, practice.
Like an aspiring football player with scant natural ability, I am working assiduously to copy the high spirits, the chin-toward-the-sky attitude of my marching brothers and sisters.
I am trying to learn to be easily offended, even when I know I am wrong, as with the lady whom the Times wrote about.
She has it down pretty good.
"They are trying to criminalize us," said the outraged Ms. Sosa, described in soothingly romantic language by two lovely veteran Times reporters as an "undocumented immigrant."
For the Times reporters, isn’t using this disingenuous phrase the equivalent of calling a prostitute a horizontal domestic? At the Times, perverting the language is not a new policy.
"We need to fight for our rights," Ms. Sosa said huffily with the air of entitlement that even newly empowered prospective criminals are exuding these days.
(Which reminds me of a new bumper sticker I noticed yesterday: My Child Was the Inmate of the Month at the County Jail.)
The fences surrounding the definition of chutzpah have just been moved back another hundred yards.
Illegal immigrants – hundreds of thousands of whom are reported to be already convicted felons – sneak over the border, plunder our country and then march into the streets to demand their "rights."
Is that called gaming the system – or merely training to become a Democrat? There is a distinction?
Poor Little Lambs Lose Their Way
"Perhaps I could become an Albanian shepherd," I mused to my wife last night over dinner.
I called my friend Gerry Wolf to ask where I could find sheep’s clothing.
If I need help with my new shepherding assignment, I could borrow some of the nobly unemployed citizens or citizens-to-be who have been busy marching the streets of Los Angeles this spring instead of visiting their favorite neighborhood gymnasiums.
Clearly, many of these people are sheep. Therefore, they are qualified to join my fledgling shepherd team.
A Time for Sympathy?
My favorite scenario from this week’s marches concerned an illegal whose dilemma was presented sympathetically:
His parents in the Mother Country are aging. Homesick, he wants to visit them. Can’t. As someone who sneaked into our country, he is unable to leave without any documentation to suggest he is vaguely legal.
As my friend Gerhard Nyquist remarked the other day:
Thousands of Europeans – broadly educated professionals who would genuinely enrich our country, stand in line, patiently awaiting an opening to emigrate while modestly skilled illegals crouch low at the Mexican border and slide home.
Free.
Before parting for the day, it must be repeated that language, rather than marching, has been the more crucial component of this cake that organizers have baked.
They have instructed all of their puppets to repeat two crooked phrases clothed in idealistic language: America Was Built on the Backs of Immigrants and We Do Work Americans Won’t Do.
The clever organizers have tried (pretty successfully) to hijack another term that resonates with good Americans: Civil rights.
The protestors, we are told, are marching because the illegals are being denied their civil rights. First, blacks had to fight off feminists who borrowed the phrase without asking. Next came the gays and lesbians. And then the abortion-rights
advocates.
Serious black leaders, last seen, were snoring at the wheel.
Postscript
Brace yourself: The next round of marches during this season dedicated to expanding America’s thugocracy is scheduled for Monday, May 1. Sound familiar? The date is no coincidence – there are no coincidences with the insidious organizers.
The May 1 date follows in the
Communist world’s hallowed tradition of ordering workers into the streets on May Day. Sort of like the Fourth of July is for good guys.